****
I know it might be too much to ask, but I must. For the sake of our sanity, for our well-being, for our overall stability. Dear readers, we need to try, like all good post-modernists…I implore thee…just try, with all the inner strength we can muster…all the power we can emanate. Last week’s tragic Allison elimination was and is hard on us all, I know. But. We. Must. Move. On.
Perchance, if we believe in the forces of mythology (or voodoo – or Christendom or Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy or Santeria…oh, it’s all the same) then we can convince ourselves it was God’s will! YES! Maybe He destined his messenger-on-earth to rattle His dominions to hold prayer meetings and voting block parties to disallow the sinners to ascend to the mighty stairway to the top (of Idol, that is). Yea, so I walk through the valley of….oh, you get it. Those jovial religious freaks! They are such a hoot! They love them some Gokey! But, I pontificate, non-believer that I am. And it’s not really fair to blame Gokey’s religious zealotry on his status. After all, Kris himself is also a ‘worship leader’, although he doesn’t whore it like Danny.
Again, pontificating. Sorry, long day at work, long night at home, and I’m exhausted. And this lackadaisical Top 3 edition of Idol wasn’t what I expected. With one choice in KRaPSs hand and one in their own, I expected a thriller of an evening. What I received was a bummer. With one – count ‘em – ONE performance that came close to a home-run, it’s ironic that Simon took every pre-Top 3 performance interview opportunity to claim Kris out-of-league to Lambert and Gokey. Guess whose home-run it was?
Randy proclaimed this evening that Lambert was one of the best singers in Idol’s history, and while I’ll concur that sentiment, this remained his weakest night, while Gokey’s sturm und drang revue was in full bloom.
Despite an uninspiring evening, it’s gonna be tight, folks. Though it clearly shouldn’t be.
****
Danny Gokey
Paula’s Choice: Terence Trent D’Arby’s “Dance Little Sister”
Grade: C+
His Choice: Joe Cocker’s “You Are So Beautiful”
Grade: B-
If one didn’t know Paula’s history better, one might have raised an eyebrow with her choice of an obstruse Terence Trent D’Arby track for Gokey (ironic song title since he’s about as funky as a platypus) – she was the judge, after all, who in season 5 chose the obscure Bobby Caldwell track ”What You Won’t Do For Love” for Elliott, and The Police’s “Roxanne” for a rangeless Blake Lewis in season 6. Could one surmise that it was a secret desire by Abdul to blow Gokey’s chance for a deserved Allen/Lambert finale? Well, I doubt that. This was the judge, after all (oh, deja vu!), who weeks ago “predicted” a Gokey Top 2 finish. His grooveless, inept performance notwithstanding.
To me, Gokey will always be the retarded little offspring of Taylor Hicks (whom I’ve compared him to since January) and Beelzebub-by-way-of-Linda Blair, so how apropos that his choice would be the same that Randy hand-picked for Hicks in Hicks’ finest season 5 Idol moment. Where Hicks’ version was reflective and subdued, Danny sadly morphed a lovely ballad into a clunky, clammy snarl. Thankfully, he refrained from his wobbly stage persona and mostly remained seated but when he inculcated a tinge of mucilage gospel, it was a Maalox moment. When Simon added to his already season-heavy malapropisms by stating it a “vocal master class”, it was Depends all the way.
****
Kris Allen
Randy/Kara’s Choice: OneRepublic’s “Apologize”
Grade: B-
His Choice: Kanye West’s “Heartless”
Grade: A-
“Apologize” was chosen by Kara and Randy because it was “Open for interpretation”, and while Kris is infinitely superior to Ryan Tedder and his monstrous OneRepublic (meet the new Air Supply, same as the old Air Supply), this remains his clunkiest performance of the season (especially taking into consideration that almost exactly one year ago, David Archuleta came out and embarrassed the hell out of Tedder by out-performing Tedder on his own song on their finale-show duet). He misses the power falsetto (so does Tedder live – YouTube the aforementioned duet. Pro-tools is a dream for his tuneless ilk) and his wavering voice showcased a fear and discomfort away from his element.
However, a monumental debacle and auto-tuned nightmare that happened right on the Idol stage a mere few weeks ago by Kanye West himself begot the best performance of the evening. Borrowing from The Fray’s eclectic West cover, Kris decimated the memory of his first song, jamming ”Heartless” up in a soaring performance. He proved that, even more than Lambert – and obviously more than Gokey, he’s the more commercially viable of this years top 3.
****
Adam Lambert
Simon’s Choice: U2′s “One”
Grade: B
His Choice: Aerosmith’s “Cryin”
Grade: B
Simon’s choice of U2s “One” – one of the great rock anthems of all time – was a bold move which was, unfortunately – and despite the judges unanimous exaltation – executed disparately. A poetic, painful lyric of an AIDS-stricken man’s dying confessional to his father, Lambert’s plaintive, beautiful opening was infused with a passionate yearning. But by slipping into the meretricious, indulgent vocal melodramatics, it quickly became an imbalance of reticent and hysteria, which negated the lyrical redemption and overall beauty of the song.
Following last week’s show, I jokingly suggested that Adam show Danny how it’s done and should choose “Dream On” for this evening’s festivities. Almost sweet justice. I’d accuse Lambert of deliberately face-slapping Gokey with his choice of (not-early Aerosmith, Kara) “Cryin’” if he weren’t so damned humble and gracious, calling out Allen’s and Gokey’s talent in Idol solidarity. Sometimes vocal pyrotechnics are almost mandatory, especially if attempting Steven Tyler’s legendary howl (note to Gokey: NOT YOU). Still, Lambert has rarely seemed so cold and calculated as his recital tonight. I won’t claim haughtiness, because I sense nil, but with both “One” and “Cryin’” I don’t sense the Rock-star-in-waiting that the judges foresee. Clearly the best vocalist left standing – and the best male Idol vocalist of its history – tonight it felt more like non-stop erratic cabaret.
****
And so it goes. The final performance show before another season winds down with next week’s finale. Will it be Lambert/Gokey (yep)? Or will the Kris brigades assure us a more justifiable showdown (nope)?
Who knows. All I know is I’m missing her big time.
Obviously Kris is a nice guy, but I thought both his songs were really boring. You can’t blame him for that stupid One Republic song, but “Heartless” was all him. Kanye West and The Fray? Come On!
True, Kris and family come from a religious background but they did give adam a standing ovation.
When Adam performed both songs, everybody gave Adam a standing ovation except for the entire Gokey’s family. How rude!! They didnt even bother to stand up for him.
Why because Adam is gay?
Dont believe it, rewind your DVR. It’s digusting i’m telling you.
The truth is out people….
I agree Bryan! I thought that was appalling especially in light of how nice Adam is to everyone. Well, maybe we will just have our Season 8 shocker tonight? Bye Danny…….. won’t miss you.
I found the song choices incredibly boring…especially the judges choices. I agree that Adam wasn’t at his best and Kris had the performance of the evening, and I strongly agree that Kris is the only one left who is commercially viable.
Adam may be the best singer technically and the most polished performer, but his style of screaming, screeching rock went out with the demise of heavy-metal bands of the 80s. Sure the current Idol leaders do well on iTunes while the show is running, but the fans usually lose interest after the show ends.
Danny sounds like a combination of a croaking frog and a barking dog. His style might be suited to a blues club (do they still exist?), but who’s going to buy his albums? If Taylor Hicks couldn’t sell albums, Danny won’t.
Kris has a more mellow contemporary sound that I can see people wanting to buy and listen to over and over again. Plus, he’s got the good looks and boyish charm that appeals to everyone from schoolgirls to grandmothers. Win or lose, I think he’s this year’s “Most Likely to Succeed” contestant.
This is my first time commenting although I read your reviews religiously (pun intended), they are my favorite part of Idol this season !!!
I started out this season as a Gokey fan, but that started fading fast. It doesn’t matter what theme it is, every week, every song sounds EXACTLY the same !!! I get how people like the “gravelly” (sp) “quality” of his voice, but seriously if that’s all your gonna offer us in a full length CD, then I’m gonna go check out Taylor Hicks new album instead (wait, probably not). Dance Little Sister ?!?!? Seriously what? You Are So Beautiful was decent, it was probably the first Gokey performance I’ve liked in awhile.
Adam is a good performer, I look forward to seeing what he’s gonna do every week, but do I really want to hear that screeching coming through my headphones as I’m sitting on a NYC subway on my way to work, that itself is scary enough !!! Ok, One started off ok, but then didn’t just go off track – it went off track, down a hill, rolled over a couple of times, and landed in a ditch. If you really want to hear how this song should be done give a listen to David Archuleta’s version (he sang it as part of a medley during his solo tour this spring) – here I’ll make it easy for you:
I have like a number of Kris’ performances, but with his guitar and somewhat folksy vibe I keep getting visions of a cleaned up Jason Castro. I liked Castro as well but would I be willing to listen to that for 10-13 songs in a row, hmmm? I agree that Kris was better than Ryan Tedder with his performance of “Apologize”, and I loved your reference to how well David Archuleta sang it during the finale last year – seriously Ryan should have just signed the song over to him !! FYI: David sang it during the Idol tour last year (but you probably knew that), and if you YouTube some of those performances (particularly Tacoma) you will see how it should really be sung !! Ok, ok I’ll post another link:
I completely agree with your review of “Heartless” as well, that was the first time I was EVER able to listen to that song without …. wait scratch that it was the first time I was ever able to listen to it PERIOD !!!
For me the best contestant this season was Matt Giraud, say what you want about his performances, his studio recordings were better than anyone else this season, and correct me if I’m wrong but that is the point of this show … to ultimately be a recording artist, right?
OK, I guess I’ll wrap this up, thanks so much for the entertaining reviews. I have been enjoying this season but for me the best contestant to ever grace the idol stage is David Archuleta, in case you hadn’t already guessed by my comparisons (and links to his performances) !!!
Excellent post!
100% agree with you.
good stuff! maybe we should collaborate on our Idol posts sometime!
Last night when Adam was announced as the 2nd finalist this household launched from the sofa as hockey players from the bench when their guy lights the lamp in triple overtime!
And, we sang:
Ding dong the witch is dead
Witch old witch, the wicked witch
Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!
He’s gone where the goblins go
Below below below
Yo Ho Let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out
Ding Dong the merry-o
Sing it high
Sing it low
Let them know the wicked witch is dead
Yowza! Amen, Brutha!
Ding Dong Danny’s Gone, Danny’s Gone
Ding Dong the Dead Wife Pimper’s Gone
Jeffrey, I am CRAVING your results recap! That has got to be epic win in the making.
Obviously, you’ve got a life. But do you think you’ll be able to give it to us before the BEST.TOP.2.EVER show? Hope so =).
“it’s not really fair to blame Gokey’s religious zealotry on his status”
Ex-act-ly.
Yesssssssss, what James said. Please recap the Finale! Even if it’s only two paragraphs. I just want to enjoy your excitement over the Kradam Finale!!
Please????????????
Please????????????
Or at least recap it briefly along with tonight’s performances? It can’t be that hard!